@SuperJuanderer: I'm not mature enough to work at Siemens.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: What's wrong? me [annoyed because the kids menu has a picture of a tree on it but they didn't give me any brown crayons] Nothing
@rickolantern: My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing. But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.
@OneWonderWoman: A facebook friend posted, "I'm not ashamed of Jesus." It took every single ounce of my willpower not to reply, "Uh oh. What did he do now?"