@darinlovesbacon: I'm not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don't give them lunch or breakfast
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@JasonLastname: If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this.
@matt___nelson: *pretends to get an urgent text so I can turn around after I notice I'm walking in the wrong direction*
@juicymorsel: I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.