@GetCougarized: I'm not only the woman your Mother warned you about, I'm the one your Father highly recommended.
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@Ginlicker: Cops would catch more drunk drivers if they just stood outside with signs that say HONK IF YOU'RE WASTED!
@kelkulus: While it may be physically possible to have a baby after 40, forty children are probably enough.
@EndhooS: My wife says brushing my teeth when sitting on the toilet is disgusting but honestly this toilet brush is almost brand new
@TheRealNickKay: [Walks in on girlfriend on death bed] ME: [Crying] this can't be happening GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me