@GetCougarized: I'm not only the woman your Mother warned you about, I'm the one your Father highly recommended.
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@thegreatnanak: Cat: my owner is asleep. What if he is dead? Cat 911: just walk on his face and find out.
@KyleMcDowell86: It's only a matter of time before the casino realizes that baby I lost at the roulette table wasn't mine
@Ojasism: Four stages of my life: 1. Life is beautiful. 2. What is twitter? 3. Twitter is beautiful. 4. What is life?