@nickmullen: I'm not religious but I'm spiritual, which means I think the mothman prophecy is real and I don't feel bad about shoplifting
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@fro_vo: I hate snakes because they have no feet. You could say I'm... lacktoes intolerant *opens another beer*
@conanobrienswyf: All out of clean spoons so I guess I'll just eat this fat free yogurt with my gun.
@Thynebear: [baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time.
@envydatropic: Stuck between "that was awesome" and "OMG do you need medical attention" wherever I walk off the dance floor