@MaryKoCo: I'm not "rich." Actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you're talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
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@Sheila_Mac420: Sometimes, I just want to be taken seriously. And sometimes, I just want to be taken, seriously.
@TheToddWilliams: WIFE: I have a couple important announcements…First: I'm pregnant ME: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad WIFE: Second: No you're not
@Gooooats: *standing by the turntables at the club* Her: are you the dj? Me: wha?... Oh, no, I was hoping this was a crepe station
@jonnysun: [at a fancy restuarant] WIFE: make sure u leave a good tip ME: ok [writing on bill] "only evolve ur pokemon when uve activated a lucky egg"