@lazerdoov: I'm not saying I did terrible things last night but satan just woke up on my couch and he won't make eye contact with me.
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@lazerdoov: Pretty lame how horses and dogs don't capitalize on their ability to wear 2 pairs of jean shorts at once
@ImFordTough: hey girl are you my ceiling fan because i'm pretty hot but also too lazy to get up and turn you on
@deadstick_ron: [Dog office] Dog 1: excuse me this is my desk - I pissed on it so.. Dog 2: I just pissed higher on it D1: son of a D2: SON OF A WHAT, DAVID?