@lazerdoov: I'm not saying I did terrible things last night but satan just woke up on my couch and he won't make eye contact with me.
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@cwhudson: SURGEON: hold on, i just need to YouTube this part of the procedure PHONE: *unskippable ad plays* NURSE: he's dyin SURGEON: ah crap, hold on
@NoTheOtherJohn: "NOAH. YOU WILL BUILD AN ARK" k "NOT "K" THIS IS IMPORTANT" Sorry "THATS OK. TAKE 2 OF EVERY ANIMAL ON IT" Even fish? *THUNDER* "NO NOT FISH
@Brampersandon_: (Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit
@anagramps: Welcome to night club. I know it's dark, but that's kinda the poi-- *metal screeching* Dammit Steve! I told you knight club is downstairs!