@ramblinma: I'm not saying I want a divorce, it's just that sometimes 50% custody sounds pretty appealing.
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@DadandBuried: Me: You gotta get dressed, kiddo, we’re leaving soon. 7yo: Me: Get dressed, please. 7yo: Me: Please get dressed. 7yo: Me: Hurry up and get dressed. 7yo: Me: Put your clothes on. 7yo: Me: We have to leave in 3 minutes! 7yo: Me: GET DRESSED RIGHT NOW!!!!! 7yo: Ok! Don’t yell at me!
@tastefactory: If a zombie approaches you, bop it on the nose with a rolled-up magazine and say NO.
@TheMichaelRock: Today's assignment: pay it backwards. Tell the person in front of you that they're paying for your shit.