@TheBoydP: I’m not saying I’m a great dad, I’m just saying it’s a holiday weekend and I’m wearing cargo shorts with a Hawaiian shirt…
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@weinerdog4life: When one door closes another door opens, pretty sure my house is haunted, I sleep on the porch
@sad_tree: [After Big Jewel Heist] "We did it! We got away! Everything went to plan" ME(holding my grappling hook I didn't get to use): Yea it was ok
@hipchkk: I encourage my kids to explore art. I insist they know Picasso's Blue Period had nothing to do with the menstrual cycle of a Smurf.
@laurenreeves: I'm planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can't have any biologically.