@Sarcasticsapien: I'm not saying I'm antisocial, but even when someone asks me how I'm doing I just tell them to Google it.
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@joshgondelman: My girlfriend and I are thinking about adopting a dog because we've had no luck trying to have one naturally.
@mynameisntdave: [diner] ME: I'll have the eggs, please WAITER: how would you like those? ME: painted and hidden for me to find, thank you.
@iwearaonesie: 9: I'm going to live with you guys forever me: I don't ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again