@StarksWeek: I'm not saying I'm bilingual but if you shout at me in German I'll probably do whatever you want
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@myles_morrison: It's easier to get away with stealing someone's stroller if you're dressed as a jogger.
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: what are you watching? Me: See II Wife: don't you mean Saw II? Me: not till it's over
@amselts: [being strapped to a medieval torture table] "tbh not what I thought you meant when you said you were going to show me a nice rack"
@WilliamRodgers: "Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?" -Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...