@TheBoydP: I'm not saying it would kill me to work out, I'm just saying my wife bought me a gym membership and doubled my life insurance...
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@deedragonhunter: Beer: When are you coming home. Me: Right away honey. See. Marriage works. Just choose the right wife.
@ProdigyNelson: "WHAT DO WE WANT?" "A BETTER STRUCTURE FOR MEASUREMENT OF TIME THAT ISN'T AN ILLUSION CREATED BY MAN" "WHEN DO WE WANT IT?" ... "shit"
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Me: ha nice try I: excuse me? M: that's how Lex Luthor beat Superman. I'm not stupid.
@BoogTweets: Pine Tree: Hey, did you see they brought Doug inside the house and decorated him, lol! Spruce: Should we wave? Let’s wave, lol Pine: Haha…He’s not waving, why isn’t he- OMG