@TheBoydP: I’m not saying I’ve gained weight, I’m just saying I don’t think my belt buckle should be facing the ground…
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@BuckyIsotope: *sits son down for the talk* You ready? “Yeah” Ok. When a man and a woman love each other- *pulls out Pokéball* -they throw this at a baby
@_4kidscrazy: Me: *shakes bosses hand* Sorry I'm late to the meeting boss. Boss: No problem, restroom? Me: Yes, and we're out of TP and hand soap again.
@daemonic3: [helping kid w/math] What is 0.1 as a fraction? "One tenth?" Good, now what does 10% mean? "Battery low, plug in your phone?" Perfect
@NonCombosMentos: *incoming text* "hey bud can I crash at ur place" Sure come on over *sound of approaching airplane*