@mommajessiec: I’m not saying my life lacks excitement, but I did linger in the room my 6yo was playing in just to watch Barbie breakup with a horse.
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@KeetPotato: wife: "you promised you wouldnt buy anything stupid with our lottery winnings" me: [covering penguin's ears] "he can hear you linda"
@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend doesn't like when I give our neighbors nicknames like, "Beard Man" "Jolly Girl" and "the one I slept with in 2009."
@stephenjmolloy: Greg: "You've put Christmas decorations up?" Ian: "I know it's only November but-" Greg: "We work in a morgue, Ian. A morgue."
@scorpiusryan21: Had a skype interview yesterday and I completely avoided the fact that I am actually a centaur