@MelanieShebel: I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own.
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@Donnie_Fairburn: I could get hit and killed by a truck right in front of him and my dentist would still find a way to blame it on the fact that I don't floss
@hippieswordfish: GENIE: you have 3 wishes ME: i wish for one more wish G: um...ok...your wish is granted. you now have 3 wishes M: aweso- wait, what
@AthenaMystique: 20 year old me: *imagines awesome career, travelling the world, being in love* 32 year old me: *tweets*