@MelanieShebel: I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own.
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@mjkspeaks: [at ER] ME: my stomach hurts. DOC: have you been able to eat anything today? ME: yeah, like 75 pieces of pizza.
@WheelTod: Not really getting much out of this Bring Your Daughter to Work Day, to be honest. It's almost as if my 6yo had never used PowerPoint before
@timdonakowski: I like to mute CNN and imagine they're arguing about what appetizer, or appetizers, to order at TGIFridays.
@katta_IoIkatt: The cats told me the reason we only have one life is because we're too stupid to handle nine lives. I believe this is true.