@MelanieShebel: I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own.
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@chris_isloi: I'm going to subtly spread my brownie crums across your car because I silently resent you for changing the song.
@SteveSuckington: National product once got caught picking his nose and eating it thus forever being known as gross national product.
@Vodkantots: When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."