@MelanieShebel: I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own.
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@hg47: On Average, ovulating women prefer rugged & masculine men. Menstruating women prefer men duct-taped and on fire.
@bobvulfov: [gf falls asleep during a movie] ME: aw [i get a blanket] ME: *hitting her w/ the blanket* wake up ur missing the part with gollum's riddles