@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm not saying women are smarter than men, but its kinda ironic that there's so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
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@TheToddWilliams: [Shark Tank] ME: I have discovered a microbe that consumes plastic MARK CUBAN: And why do you need our money? ME: It ate my credit card
@ElgatoEsmio: When a squirrel runs on the road then turns around quickly is it because he thinks he left his little squirrel iron on?
@sixfootcandy: You're supposed to pee on a Jellyfish sting and not a jelly stain? Well that was really embarrassing.
@jwomackou: [spelling bee finals] JUDGE: your word is "asterisk" KID: can you use it in a sentence? JUDGE: *adjusts mic* yes