@MableGertrude: I'm not saying you're on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort.
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@LookAwayMomDad: I paid $200,000 for an English degree and my coworker just asked me to proofread her Facebook status.
@andylassner: If The Lego Movie is about anything other than parents walking around and cursing after stepping on Legos, it's not based on a true story.
@Dawn_M_: My therapist doesn't believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
@trojansauce: origin stories: spiderman: bitten by spider green hornet: bitten by green hornet gambit: bitten by a gam magneto: bitten by magnetic toe