@MasterOfFury: I'm not stalking you. I'm trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sarcasticsapien: Charles Manson not only got a woman while in prison, but a woman that only wanted him for his body. Screw Tinder, I'm going to prison.
@fillthevacuum: Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets.
@_davidlucas_: Me: How are you? Co-worker: *Gives 20 minute dissertation on their gastro infection*