@dirtyddixon: I'm not superstitious, I'm just kindastitious!!!
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@SondraDeeMe: "Dreadfully mediocre." "Astonishing lack of imagination." "Your child peaked at age 5." - why my friends no longer invite me to school plays
@TheToddWilliams: Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime; teach a man to catfish and he can trick some perv in Omaha into sending him rent money.
@PaperWash: Mother's Day is just an another made up holiday so the government can sell you more mothers
@thesulk: My stomach just made the sound of a 68-year-old Long Island woman seeing her granddaughter for the first time.