@GensPlace: I'm not sure about accusing someone of wanting to get into my pants. I'd like to see him try. I can hardly get into them myself..
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@Whymze: [pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral] alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow.
@Shanehasabeard: "Your résumé says you've been to prison?" Me: Sorry, that's a mistake "So you haven't?" Me: I have, I just didn't mean to put it on there
@markhoppus: Cinderella, but the Prince is searching for the maiden who matches the glass thigh gap.