@squirrel74wkgn: I'm not sure who's more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JessicaVarsity: If someone doesn't respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don't love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
@ReelQuinn: "Yes, I'm here. I really need you to be more specific. I know a lot of Margarets." -- God
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Just dropped a butcher knife in the kitchen and apparently I can fly now. So that's cool.