@squirrel74wkgn: I'm not sure who's more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
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@Contwixt: Good news: It works the other way around. I entered "internal bleeding" & "unconscious" in WebMD and it said I have a stuffy nose. Phew.
@batkaren: [1st date] "I'm really into roll playing," I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss.
@Wames_Jaters: Why are there no owls here? I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE! #hooters