@WheelTod: I’m not the type of superstitious idiot who worries about bad luck on Friday 13th. That’s silly. Me, I just take off to a nice quiet cabin in the woods, slaughter a pack of over-sexed teenagers, then kick back and chill.
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@QwertyJones3: Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I'll have to turn to Facebook.
@comer310: Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs* Friend: Bad breakup? Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.
@PeachCoffin: *admires David at the museum* I can't believe a teenage mutant ninja turtle sculpted this
@KyleMcDowell86: It's only a matter of time before the casino realizes that baby I lost at the roulette table wasn't mine