@ilovepie84: I'm not trying to be racist but black people are darker than white people.
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@Branka_R: My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
@KeetPotato: [babies txting] "my dad's thumb just came off" lol wtf 😂 "wait its back on again nvm" ok lmao "he just stole my nose" im phoning the police
@rockymomax: CLERK: $3.74 ME: *reaches in pocket & pulls out whole ham* sorry I have cash *reaches back in & pulls out 2nd ham* well this is embarrassing
@SirEviscerate: *joins Buddhist monastery* *withstands 21 years of brutal kung-fu training* So, vending machine that didn't drop my funyuns. We meet again.