@AlbertBrooks: I'm now starting to think CNN took the plane.
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@pantsfaced: In a recent sleep study performed by clowns 9 out of 10 people didn't even know they were being watched.
@causticbob: A police man came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs." "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs"
@JermHimselfish: My girlfriend buys candles the same way I buy weed. She looks at the color, opens it and smells it, buys it, then lights it on fire to relax
@theyearofelan: If there is one thing the Internet has taught us it is that even the dumbest people on Earth have somehow learned how to use the Internet