@Julie_McGann1: I'm off to a 3yr olds party. There'll be tears, tantrums and throwing up on the carpet. But enough about me, Im sure the kids will have fun.
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@DaddyJew: Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant
@ilovepie84: Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.
@rocknthepurple: I just wish I had someone who wanted to touch me as much as my shower curtain does.
@Douchekevin: The problem was that everyone was poking my ex on Facebook. And in my bed And on my couch And in my car And when I was at work