@Cheeseboy22: I'm offended that horses don't put their hooves over their hearts during the National Anthem when they win a gold in equestrian events.
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@tchrquotes: What do you mean will I eat a whole rotisserie chicken? What do I look like, a guy who doesn't eat whole rotisserie chickens?
@Reverend_Scott: [1st day as police officer] PARTNER: THAT CAR FLEW BY DOING 126 MPH! LET'S ROLL! ME: Um, ok, but I literally JUST got this ice cream cone.
@Cheeseboy22: A terrible baby shower game idea is called, "Have a man come in and guess which woman at the shower is pregnant."