@BooFricketyHoo: I'm on Twitter because my brother got a chemistry set for christmas when he was little and I got plaid pants.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Did a somersault for the first time in years. I know that's not a good tweet but I'm getting bored lying here waiting for the paramedics.
@SamDelanche: I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
@CanadianCyn: Mom: You need to get a hobby. Me: Like photography? Mom: I don't think stalking the garbageman is a hobby.
@PaperWash: The Bible is so unrealistic, Noah's wife would have never allowed two spiders on that boat.