@NotARatsAss: I'm one smooth operator until I have to get onto an escalator. Then it's more like a baby giraffe finding its legs.
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@iwearaonesie: me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?! Netflix: Because you watched "The Wedding Planner"
@iloveskyrim71: I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark! Help! I just laughed, i knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.
@Sean_Burgundy_: I don't get why some girls don't make airplane noises before putting their tampons in
@shawnspree: Me: (Insert inspirational quote here) Wife: Wow. That's deep, who said that? Me: I did. Didn't you hear me speak just now?