@NotARatsAss: I'm one smooth operator until I have to get onto an escalator. Then it's more like a baby giraffe finding its legs.
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@texasstalkermom: That awkward moment you run into someone in public that you know, and there is nowhere to hide.
@Breadery: I want my hearse to have 'JUST DIED' written on the windshield with cans tied to the rear bumper.
@lloydrang: Me: You a good personal trainer? Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am. Me: [through tears] Wow, that's personal. You're hired.
@ch000ch: I wanna get HAMMERED tonight. Seriously? Yeah, drunk as hell, bro. Riiight. Of course, of course. *quietly slides hammer back into sleeve*