@swiftenhaal: I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: Why aren't the people in old timey photos ever smiling? Because they were in constant danger of getting eaten by dinosaurs. READ A BOOK.
@david8hughes: I went to the movies with a girl last night. I paid for the tickets & the snacks, & anything else I can before she reports her card stolen.
@bestlizard: A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win.