@Travon: I'm opening a restaurant called "It doesn't matter, whatever you want" since every girl alive wants guys to take them there.
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@SaulOdenkirk: Boss: You drink everyday and I think you need an intervention.. Me: I work everyday so I should quit that too? Boss: No.. Me: Good talk
@StockSwaff: Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy.
@BetteMidler: Amal Clooney bought hubby George a riding lawnmower for his 55th birthday. I have never been so jealous of a garden tool in my life.
@70Ceeks: SOMEBODY: she had a boyfriend who looked like that girlfriend that you had in february of last year ME: what the hell are you talking about