@chrisdelia: I'm pitching a show called "Walking Dad" where dads go around biting each other and then the people who get bitten become dads too.
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@JohnLyonTweets: [nearing end of first date] Me: I'll give you a call later, OK? Her: *throws phone in river* I lost my phone.
@seandunn76: Alex: This term indicates a zero score in tennis. Contestant: What is love? *dance party erupts*
@LizHackett: When I was a teen, my parents talked to me about safe sex. I'm having the same talk with them about the Reply All button.
@ThaJawn: Surgeon: *puts mask on my face* count backwards from 10 Me: 10, 9, 8, I'm scared Surgeon: *whispers* You should be Me: Wha *passes out