@FattMernandez: I'm posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they're making ceramic bowls.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Don't forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else's house and telling everyone it's yours, then closing the post office.
@MarfSalvador: [Bowling date] Her: Your shoes are HUGE! Does that mean... Me: Yes [Whispers seductively] I have an 8 inch toe
@DryDickRando: Hello sir. Your toddler called me a 'stinky poopyhead' at the store. I've spent 6 days formulating a comeback, and I'd like to own him now.
@gtfml: When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?