@AngelaEhh: I'm pretty good at getting divorced men I date to give their ex another chance.
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@pharmasean: My sons kidnappers: if u ever want to see your son alive, press 1. Para Español marque dos Me: ugh i just want to speak to a real person
@psybermonkey: [Kids party] Wife: did you hire a magician like I asked? Me: yep [Backyard] Mortician: next we'll cut open the chest cavity like so...
@ScubavelliDeux: *finally convinces self to date again as there are plenty of fish in the sea* Fish: I have a koi friend.
@KimMonte10: Be a sharp dressed man. Buy a suit made of knives. Scare ur boss into promoting u. Cut everyone's sandwiches for them in the break room.