@ShaunNaNaD: I'm pretty sure I have all of those countless hours spent playing Tetris to thank for my mad dishwasher loading skills.
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@cray_at_home_ma: And on the 7th day God rested, but the children did not rest. So on Monday God made school and He sent the kids and all the people rejoiced.
@jackiembouvier: Well, Jesus, now all Samsung's competitors have to say is "we won't blow up in your pocket and set you ablaze!"
@WhiskeySoured: If a bear is chasing you, don't run. Be very still and tweet about it because you're about to die.
@newportdaddy: Michelle Obama & Melania Trump meeting: *shaking hands* Michelle: Hi, I'm Michelle. Melania: Hi, I'm Michelle.