@lildandeli0n: I'm pretty sure Kanye West is the reason why we arent allowed to retweet our own tweets.
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@mjkspeaks: [call] MOM: please be safe in the snowstorm. ME: idgaf about snow i'm a gangster. MOM: what? ME: i said thanks for calling i love you.
@murrman5: [during ultrasound] wife: I really thought you were the father me: how could you do this to me? wife's grey and black lover: I told y'all