@BlackJerms: I'm pretty sure Morgan Freeman was narrating while the universe was being created
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@AsgardianRose: You know how people play video games by pushing all the buttons at once? That's how I'm handling adulthood.
@iwearaonesie: Such bullshit that people stop saying "You ate it all! Good job!" once you reach a certain age
@JohnLyonTweets: Point of etiquette: When attending a chainsaw massacre, don’t spend the entire time chainsawing one person. Get out there and mangle.
@IamEnidColeslaw: trying to get through to Mozart on the Ouija board I really want him to listen to the Thong Song