@BlackJerms: I'm pretty sure Morgan Freeman was narrating while the universe was being created
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@ibid78: Momma bird: welcome to the world! Baby bird: thx! M: for the next few months instead of food, I'ma just throw up in your mouth. B: wait what
@heatherlou_: Planning on buying my daughter a Volvo so she’s safe but with a mismatched door so she gets the struggle.
@bornmiserable: You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids.