@MartaEffing: I'm pretty sure the chick at this drive thru had me repeat, 'I'll take a number two', multiple times so she could laugh at me.
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@ventivodkacran: When someone yells "STOP!" I never know if it's Hammertime or if I should collaborate and listen.
@vikkaroni: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I? I took a nap until I finally heard a car coming."
@LindaInDisguise: Siri, make me pancakes. You have a Blackberry, Linda. Go home, Linda, you're drunk.
@sixthformpoet: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him.