@MartaEffing: I'm pretty sure the chick at this drive thru had me repeat, 'I'll take a number two', multiple times so she could laugh at me.
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@pattymo: GOOD COP: Crazy girlfriend? I know how THAT is BAD COP: He's trying to get on your side so you confess GOOD COP: Jesus Christ, Frank
@TylerLinkin: My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.
@Midlifecrisis18: My son didn't call while I was on the road today so I'll just be here in my hotel room playing 'Cat's in the Cradle' on repeat.
@Moldy_Jellybean: Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.