@1evilidiot: I'm pretty sure these people at the next table are talking about how paranoid I am.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@sixfootcandy: You're supposed to pee on a Jellyfish sting and not a jelly stain? Well that was really embarrassing.
@fro_vo: [watching wonder woman] *wonder woman comes onscreen* Me: (leans over to date) that's wonder wo-*date throat punches me*
@liv_thatsme: I'm having a green screen installed behind my couch, because, you know, I don't ever feel like going out, but I wanna look like I do stuff.