@1evilidiot: I'm pretty sure these people at the next table are talking about how paranoid I am.
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@amishschool: Chicago launched an innovative new ride-sharing program today and the way it works is some guy stole my bike.
@SamGrittner: Life is what happens when you're busy choosing a filter for what already happened in life.
@thenoahkinsey: *phone rings* Yoda: Yoda Luke: WTF VADER'S MY DAD? Y: Uh L: And you knew & told me to kill him? Y: L: Y: Going thru a tunnel I am *hangs up*
@raniao2011: Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.