@DirtMcTurd: I'm proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don't want to hang out with you now but I'm still proud...
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@CastAwayKristen: Me: Dropped my phone & now screen doesn’t work. Help forum: Should’ve had a better case. Apparently, my mother works in Samsung support now.
@mattchew81: A nicer way to tell someone their breath stinks is to say "I'm bored, let's go brush your teeth!"
@StormErika: People keep escaping from maximum security jails and I can't even manage to leave 5 minutes early from work.