@tanialunreal: I'm putting off having kids mainly because I'm not ready to be 9 months sober.
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@canadian_jane: I respect strippers because its really hard to dance by yourself and not look stupid.
@bridger_w: When I die, instead of being cremated or buried, I'd like my body to be thrown out of a tree onto a group of teens
@LMFOFL: If you REALLY need to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.