@tanialunreal: I'm putting off having kids mainly because I'm not ready to be 9 months sober.
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@NicestHippo: You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn
@sageboggs: My family doesn't have a swear jar, but we do have a totes perf jar. If you say totes or perf, we throw a jar at you
@unravelingfire: Me: Do you like children? Him: Yes, I love them. Me: Good, because I become a huge child when I drink.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Take a day off. Pamper yourself. Visit a spa. Pour melted wax on ur body. Rip the hair out by the roots. Inject poison into ur face. Relax.