@atDevin: I'm putting salt in this mustard and I'm calling it Saline Dijon and you can't stop me
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@DamienFahey: I love restaurants that have signs like "Since 1916". It's a great way to know the place you're eating at was probably super racist.
@_davidlucas_: In 2000 years, people will celebrate all this with chocolate eggs delivered by an imaginary rabbit. ~Time travelling me, to Pontius Pilate.
@mattZillaaaa: [at my funeral] So young, how did he die? He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word "bae"