@atDevin: I'm putting salt in this mustard and I'm calling it Saline Dijon and you can't stop me
@HumorParasite: E-incense to mask e-joint e-odor.
@MatCro: GF: Sue at the bra shop said u got some lingerie
G: Only u didn't give it to me
M: [nervously adjusting thong] I'm having an affair
@weinerdog4life: One time my dad got mad at hulk hogan and yelled "YOURE WASTING SHIRTS" at the TV
@SarahR_82: That awkward moment when u lock binoculars with your neighbor.
@MUMSIEesq: Anytime I pass an unlocked minivan I throw a few of my kids' most annoying toys in the trunk.