@atDevin: I'm putting salt in this mustard and I'm calling it Saline Dijon and you can't stop me
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@Ms_Shazam: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." - Me to my children.
@TheMichaelRock: No thanks, flu shot. I look forward to three days off from work and returning looking like I was on a diet for six weeks.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Every time my husband hides my pants, I have sex with him. Don't tell him I have more than one pair.