@LizHackett: I'm quiet and not great about confronting neighbors, so I renamed our wifi Everyone Hates Your Rooster, Greg.
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@KeetPotato: [reading message i found in a bottle that drifted onto the beach] to myself: "updog.. what's updog?" [another bottle hits my foot]
@BriarSly: Well, if anything, the Mayans DID teach us ONE valuable lesson. If you don't finish something...it's really not the end of the world.
@AnkCoupleTO: *84th flr* CW: You look sad, can I cheer you up? M: Heard Van Halen's "Jump"? CW: Sure! Me: Jump out that window and sing it on the way down