@girl_a_whirl: I'm quite sure if Adam had offered Eve a donut, that whole Garden of Eden thing would've gone in an entirely different direction.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That’d wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation
@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like trying to remember which brownies I packed in my son's lunch box
@myvisable: If a woman is bad at parking it's because she is constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.
@Playing_Dad: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you you may be in love with a boomerang.