@BlackCatBettie: I'm really bad at portioning uncooked pasta...so if you and 110 of your friends wanna come over, dinner is ready.
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@toomanytoes: Evil villain: I've been expecting you. *Swivels around in swivel chair* *Superhero runs over & spins chair faster* Evil villian: WEEEEE!
@Bandersnaaatch: When your 13yo is live streaming her makeup application in the bathroom you are obligated to open the door and loudly ask if she’s done pooping.
@MeemawKate: "Are you still watching?" Yes, Netflix. I didn't magically get my shit together in the last three hours.