@Molly_Kats: I'm really good at acting like I'm sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
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@Ideal_Victoria: I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos.
@YoungManDadJoke: Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body.
@WilliamRodgers: Bro: Dude, is this YOUR Shakira CD??? Me: What? No....it's my wife's..... Hips: No.... It's his... Me: Shut up Hips!
@justabloodygame: *appears in puff of smoke at a public pool* "Warning, what you're about to see may shock you!" Hey! What are y- *touches live wire to water*