@Schmoodles: I'm responsible for 84% of all cat videos currently available on YouTube.
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@Steelers1972: Hey Verizon, here's an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.
@hippieswordfish: 'sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.' what, am i supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
@tylerschmall: *walks into Babies R Us* Hi I'd like to buy a baby. "Sir we don't-" *I slide him a 100 dollar bill* "This way please."
@attsmcjay: I'd imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.