@Schmoodles: I'm responsible for 84% of all cat videos currently available on YouTube.
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@hellohappy_time: heard you like bad girls so I squeezed lemon juice on my fish even though the waiter grabbed me & was like "no, there's already lemon on it"
@spookperson: coworker is telling us that being a libertarian is based on facts and I'm rubbing dirt between my hands like the beginning of gladiator
@Sassafrantz: [first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.