@jenlaw_11: I'm rubber, you're glue. I'm destroying the planet and you are made of dead horses
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@ClichedOut: Exec 1: So, you wait in long lines. No shade. Crying kids. Drinks cost $7.00. Exec 2: Nice. What do we call it? E1: Lol, "amusement park."
@retardedwriter: Never understood the desperation behind placing ur order in English at KFC/McD. Heard a guy practicing his order while sanding in the queue.
@CherBear162: Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"
@TheDailySchmuck: [Eating unhealthy potato at restaurant] Cop: You're under arrest. Me: What's the charge? [Lowers sunglasses] Cop: a salt and buttery.