@WhatevaConc: Not now ex-boyfriend. Someone favorited 2 of my tweets. I'm a huge deal around there now & you lost your chance. Just kidding. What time?
@954LeenO: Most days I wish I were an octopus so I could slap 8 people at once.
@iHayfa: Monsters won't stop chasing me.
I don't wanna play today dammit!
@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: *checking into maternity ward*
Hey, so remember that time when you took the baby so I could sleep?
Nurse: Ma'am, this child is seven.
@Sickayduh: My cat's tongue is like a little piece of sandpaper. I'm scratched to hell but this floor is almost finished.
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