@shutupmikeginn: I'm scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I'll run them under cold water for half a second
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@OnlyFastEddie: The closest I've ever come to winning anything was that time I got picked from a lineup at the station.
@hurlarious: [INT. STARBUCKS - DAY] Me: Theres a large rat in the bathroom Barista: ? Me: A large rat Barista: ? Me: THERES A VENTI RAT IN THE BATHROOM
@internetluke: [at dinner party] Me: Excuse me, a bit of an announcement.. Jenny and I are expecting a kid. She is 4 months pregnant. Vegan: I'm vegan
@vineyille: If you like piña coladas / Getting caught in the rain / Drink this piña colada / It was caught in the rain