@shutupmikeginn: I'm scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I'll run them under cold water for half a second
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@KatieBurnett: Facebook's great for when you wanna see a picture or a joke you saw on Twitter four years ago
@QwertyJones3: [Blue whale documentary] This monster can eat 40 million fish in a day. Whale looking directly into the camera: Yeah I'm kind of a foodie.
@TheWoodenslurpy: Oh, I see. "Adam and Steve" is gay, but “Adam dates his own rib” is perfectly acceptable.
@AlexRogaski: [Science Meeting, 1924] Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"