@shutupmikeginn: I'm scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I'll run them under cold water for half a second
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@leshnevsky: Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away.
@bingowings14: My mum tells me that she turns the internet off when she goes to bed, incase you're wondering why your screen just went blank.
@zacharyflynn: You say jump I say how high. You say run I say how fast. You say lets hang out I say no.
@flashember: WIFE: Every time I get close, I get hurt. THERAPIST: Is this true? PORCUPINE HUSBAND: *bristles* OF COURSE IT'S TRUE I'M A BALL OF NEEDLES