@shopkins776: I'm scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae
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@djdarrellripley: Me: Would you consider going out with a guy a little older than yourself? Her: Well of course I would. Why, do you have a son?
@TheBigBatman: During childbirth the pain is so great that a woman almost knows what it's like for a man to have the flu.
@heatherlou_: If I could teach my kid anything it would be do not attempt to lay on my face. Give me my personal space please, tiny leech.