@juliussharpe: I'm scared to go to sleep tonight knowing some maniac is running around out there slightly deflating footballs.
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@RidiculousSheri: Love means never having to say you're sorry for accidentally bringing home six more cats.
@Michael_Erhart: [Sea fishing] Me: This is fun. [Deep sea fishing] Me: Many men go fishing all their lives without knowing that it's not fish they're after.
@WildeThingy: [electric chair] "Any requests for your final minutes?" "Yeh, I want the last episode of Lost explained." *acquitted on a technicality
@novicefather: Picked up our Christmas tree from the lot today AND my wife hasn't shaved in 3 weeks. Noble fir in the streets. Noble fur in the sheets.